Early Warning
by creepygirl13
Summary: The Toxic Twins have a gift for magery...God help us all.  AU from the end of Mortal Coil on.
1. A Discussion and a Paperclip

Early Warning

The Toxic Twins have a gift for magery...God help us all.

**Warning! This is AU from the end of Mortal Coil on. **

I own nothing.

...

"Come _on_, Stephanie!" whined Carol. "You have to at least _check_!"

"Yeah," added Crystal. "It's not fair for you to keep all the fun to yourself."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. She must be reaching some kind of record with the amount of eye-rolling she'd been doing.

It had been three weeks since Ghastly was declared an Elder and Remnant-Tanith had been at Valkyrie's house. Since then everything had been feeling sort of unreal. It felt like some sort of delayed shock, as if Valkyrie could only allow herself to realize everything that had happened after the fact. She'd spent a lot of the past three weeks avoiding her parents and having long, quiet talks with Fletcher over the phone.

There wasn't any work she could throw herself into to distract herself from the events of the last month. When Skulduggery had been taken, Valkyrie knew there was a way to get him back. Valkyrie had no idea how she could get Tanith back, or stop herself from becoming Darquesse, and these were both facts she dwelled on constantly. She hadn't been sleeping very well because of this.

When the twins had invited her over to their house for a day while Fergus and Beryl were out of town, Valkyrie, apparently suffering from a sudden absence of sense, accepted their invitation with enthusiasm. Anything to distract her, she supposed.

That was the reason Valkyrie was in Carol and Crystal's kitchen, listening to them ask her for magic lessons. She should have known that all the twins would have wanted to talk about was magic, and the possibility that they might be magic, and will you teach us_ please,_ Stephanie? That was, in essence, their conversation of the past three hours.

However, in spite of herself, Valkyrie had to admit they had a point. Carol and Crystal were descended from the same line of Ancients as she was, and Valkyrie was never one to get rid of a potential resource. Even if Carol and Crystal didn't have magic, it would be good for them to at least know more about it. They already knew magic existed, and as far as Valkyrie knew, even knowing was enough to put you at risk for random attacks by mad mages intent on world domination.

Valkyrie sighed dramatically. "All _right_," she said. "I'll see what I can do."

Carol beamed. Crystal wasn't as enthusiastic, but she seemed happy anyway.

"There's no fast way to see if you can do magic," warned Valkyrie. "It took me a week to figure it out."

Crystal looked a bit apprehensive, but Carol listened to Valkyrie intently.

"Okay, the very first thing you have to do is take a name-"

"What do names have to do with anything?" interrupted Crystal, frowning.

Valkyrie narrowed her eyes at Crystal. "If you don't have a taken name, people can control you with your given one. I'm not sure why that is, I only know that it happens."

"So magicians have more than one name?" asked Carol.

"Yeah," replied Valkyrie. "They have three, actually."

"What's the third one?"

"That's your true name. Most people don't know theirs, so they're usually pretty safe. However, if somebody learns your true name before you do, they can control _everything_ about you. When somebody uses your given name like that, it's like they're ordering you to do something, but they can't get inside your head and order that. With your true name, somebody can tell you how to think, what to feel. That doesn't happen very often, though, and there's ways to protect your true name if you know it."

"So your true name and your given name make you more vulna-vulnura-weaker?" asked Carol.

"Only if somebody else finds your true name before you do. If you take a name, people can't ever control you with your given name. Even if you don't have magic, having a taken name gives you some protection."

"Oh." Carol and Crystal mulled this over. By the looks on their faces, Valkyrie could tell it was a lot to take in.

It was quiet for a minute, and Valkyrie reveled in the silence before Crystal said "So, Valkyrie's your taken name?"

"Yeah. Valkyrie Cain."

"Are they all that _weird_?" judging by the way Carol nodded in agreement, this was an important concern for them.

"Well...a bit. We like to take names that age well." In sudden urgency, Valkyrie added "Don't take a name that sounds _cool_. Just don't. You don't want to be a five hundred year old scholar and have a name like Razor or Vixen."

"You know somebody named Vixen?" asked Carol, wincing.

"No. But the guy I work with, Skulduggery-" Valkyrie hadn't told the twins about the people she worked with. It wasn't out of some sense of malice, they just hadn't asked her about her job. "-knows a lady named Jet, and she was a bit pudgy the last time he saw her, with spinach in her teeth."

"Now I see where you're coming from on the weird names thing," said Carol in sudden understanding. "I think that name only works when you look like you're twenty."

"Exactly."

"You said the person you worked with. You have a job?" Crystal was curious to know. "You don't go to school or anything? Not even a magic school?"

Valkyrie shook her head. "No. Skulduggery and a man named Solomon Wreath teach me magic, and T...my point is, I don't go to a school. I'm a Sanctuary detective, but that could change. The Sanctuary and Skulduggery aren't always on the friendliest terms."

"How much do you get paid?"

Valkyrie opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again. "...now that you mention it, I don't get paid at all." she hadn't really thought about it. She had never really needed money, so it had never come up. "I don't get paid for saving the world and rescuing Skulduggery on a usual basis. That's stupid."

"_Really_ stupid." agreed Carol.

"I'm going to have to ask Skulduggery about that."

"...okay, money troubles aside, should we pick names before we begin learning magic?" asked Crystal.

"Only if you have a name in mind. I'd been trying magic for a day or two before my name came to me. You probably want to learn about magic while you're thinking about a name. They kind of go together, and there are different types of magic."

Carol and Crystal looked at each other.

"Do you have a name?" Carol asked.

"No. You?" asked Crystal.

"No."

Crystal turned back to Valkyrie. "We might as well start learning, right? Did you have a plan? Are there like...basic magic teachers?"

Valkyrie pursed her lips in thought. Maybe she should ask Skulduggery to see if he could teach them...? No. He wouldn't even bother unless he knew they could do something, and even then he might not. How did _she_ begin?

Ah.

"I have an idea...but it's going to involve reading."

Carol winced.

.

"_This_ is a library?" asked the twins in unison, staring at China's apartment building.

Valkyrie had called Fletcher to take her and the twins to China's library for an afternoon. Valkyrie figured China wouldn't mind, especially since Crystal liked reading and Carol's only problem was that she was a bit slow at it. The point was, the pair of them were surprisingly unlikely to cause trouble in the place.

Fletcher had dropped the three of them off and was going to come back in a few hours while Valkyrie pointed out the elementary magic books out to the twins.

"Yeah. It's actually very nice. The only problem is that China, who owns the place, is the most beautiful woman in the world." said Valkyrie, leading them inside.

"Why is that a problem?" Carol wanted to know.

"Because it means that she can get you to do whatever she wants if she smiles too hard at you. Just try not to look directly at her face, and_ don't_ tell her your name. Also be very quiet, don't steal her books, and for the love of God, return any books you've checked out on time."

The twins looked at each other nervously and followed Valkyrie very quietly up the stairs to China's library. The pair of them took a sharp intake of breath upon seeing the library, hidden as it was right behind the hallways, but otherwise didn't make a sound. Valkyrie supposed her warnings were effective.

Since Valkyrie didn't really trust the pair to be on their own, she found the section on names conveniently placed next to the section on elementary magic, got a pair of books each for them, and ushered them to a shadowy corner where she was fairly sure they wouldn't be disturbed.

Valkyrie herself selected a book on advanced necromancy, a weighty and imposing tome bound in suspicious-looking black leather. She was enjoying the peace and quiet when Crystal nudged her arm.

"What?" she whispered.

"Do you have a hairpin or something on you?" asked Crystal just as quietly. "We want to try out the elemental magic." she tapped a page of the open book laying in her lap.

Valkyrie searched her pockets and came up with a stray paperclip. How it had gotten there she had no idea. She passed it to Crystal and resumed reading. It was quiet again for a few minutes until Carol let out a strangled gasp. Valkyrie looked up askance.

"I moved it!" said Carol in a hushed voice. Crystal nodded in agreement. "I don't even know what I was doing, I just pushed at _something,_ and it moved!"

Valkyrie raised her eyebrows in surprise. "That's faster than I ever did!" she said quietly, trying not to feel jealous. "I don't really know what it means if you can do magic this quickly. Maybe you're best at elemental magic?" she glanced at Crystal, who was looking put out, and added "There are a lot of different disciplines. Elemental isn't my best, either, but I was doing it for the longest time. I think if Carol has magic, it means you do too. I'm not sure though."

Crystal nodded again, and Carol, smiling now, went back to pushing at the paperclip, though she didn't make it move again.

...

Regular readers of Shadows and Bones will recognize my frequently-used theme of making Carol and Crystal magic. In case you're wondering, yes, Carol and Crystal's taken names, powers and aptitudes will remain the same.

This is why Carol, whose aptitude is with elemental magic, has better luck than either Crystal or Stephanie(/Val) with her first try. If Crystal or Stephanie(/Val) had wanted to practice necromantic magic instead, they would have been better at it than Carol. I'm asserting that the Edgley Ancient blood makes their magic that much more powerful and more obvious.

Just because I'm halting Shadows and Bones for a bit doesn't mean I'm going to stop other stuff. Since this is mostly AU from Mortal Coil on, I figure I'm safe from continuity errors. I'll probably use the main plot of Death Bringer and change it to my favor, but I'll take a while to get to that point.

Also, I don't know if Valkyrie gets paid or not for working with Skulduggery. It's never mentioned.


	2. One Taken Name and More Dull Discussion

Early Warning

The Toxic Twins have a gift for magery...God help us all.

**Warning! This is AU from the end of Mortal Coil on. **

I own nothing.

...

Valkyrie spent the next few days at Gordon's house, looking for books on elemental magic for Carol and Crystal. Since the twins didn't have reflections and Valkyrie didn't know the incantation to make one, they had to go to school, much to their disappointment.

Nothing vital had come up, so Valkyrie had been having a fairly peaceful week. Though Valkyrie felt it was probably best to wait to introduce the twins to Skulduggery or Ghastly, she had plans to ask Skulduggery to teach Carol elemental magic. It was a few days before Valkyrie talked to them again. She spoke with them over the phone (prompting some confusion on part of her parents), and determined that neither Carol nor Crystal was doing anything particularly dangerous or stupid. Valkyrie was impressed.

Carol could now consistently push a paperclip around on a table, though nothing heavier. Crystal still couldn't do anything, though Valkyrie assured her that it was (probably) normal. Valkyrie was thinking that maybe she should get Solomon Wreath to teach Crystal necromancy-she didn't know if particular types of magic ran in families, but she figured she should probably give it a shot.

The next time Valkyrie saw the twins, it was Friday evening, and their parents were away again. Valkyrie couldn't help but think that Fergus and Beryl were not making much of an effort to talk to the twins, but, then again, Fergus and Beryl never made an effort to do much of anything except be completely horrible (she hadn't forgotten the silverware Beryl had pocketed from Gordon's house).

Valkyrie hadn't spoken to them since Tuesday, and, as such, wasn't sure what how their studies were doing. The first thing Valkyrie noticed about the two was that Carol was grinning, clearly elated. Crystal looked fairly unhappy.

"Hullo," she said in some surprise. "What're you so happy about?"

"I picked my name!" exclaimed Carol. "It just sort of...came to me!"

Valkyrie smiled insincerely and prepared herself for something absolutely horrible. "So what is it?"

"Jarona (that means song, I think) Hammercloud. I was looking up names because I didn't want to pick a word and I found Jarona!"

Valkyrie blinked in surprise. "That's...not bad, actually. I was expecting something a whole lot worse."

Carol-Jarona, really, frowned at her, a bit offended. "Hey! I would never go around with something stupid."

Valkyrie smirked. "Of course you wouldn't. Okay," she said quickly, ignoring Jarona's indignant look. "Crystal, have you managed anything?"

Crystal shrugged. "Yeah, I can move things around," she said dismissively. "But Carol can light a flame, though, look!" she gestured to Jarona and she obligingly snapped her fingers, summoning a spark. "I don't see why I can't do anything."

"Crystal, _how_ long have you been practicing?" asked Valkyrie, exasperated.

Crystal tapped her chin in thought. "...a week?" she said.

"Okay. It took me two weeks to summon a flame. Okay? _ And_ I'm smarter than you." Jarona and Crystal scowled at her. "Don't look like that, it's true. I'm smarter than my boyfriend if it makes you feel any better."

"It doesn't."

"Good. Okay, Jarona, I'm not an expert, but I think elemental magic is the best one for you, because your caught on so fast."

"Okay...so?" said Jarona, raising an eyebrow.

"So, I'm not really an elemental. I mean, I sort of do elemental magic, but I do better with another kind. I'm not the best teacher for you, but I have an idea for who might be."

"Would I have to read a lot?"

"If you ask him that question he might make you read more out of spite."

Jarona grimaced. "So, don't ask him about books. Got it. Who is he?"

"He's the guy I work with, the other detective, I told you about him."

"Yeah, he's the one who doesn't pay you." said Crystal sagely. "What was his name again?"

"His name is Skulduggery Pleasant, and he's the best elemental I know."

"And you tell _me_ about stupid names," Jarona snarked.

"His appearance is a bit...unusual." Valkyrie said, choosing to ignore Jarona's comment. "It's hard to get used to, but you'll have to if you're going to learn with him." Valkyrie didn't mention that Skulduggery might refuse to teach her. Though she didn't_ think_ he would, she wasn't entirely sure.

"What, is he deformed?" asked Jarona bluntly. "Hideously ugly? Missing his teeth?"

Valkyrie smiled to herself. "No, he has all his teeth, you can be sure of that. He's not _necessarily_ ugly..."

"So he _is_ horribly deformed!"

"Well...no..." Valkyrie made a mental note to wait a_ long_ time before introducing the twins to anyone other than Skulduggery. "His cheekbones are perfectly good cheekbones."

"That's wonderful. Just _tell_ us!"

"Okay then, he's a skeleton." Said Valkyrie quickly. Perhaps telling them right out would lessen the shock.

Jarona and Crystal stared at her.

"No way," said Crystal.

"Seriously, what does he look like?"

"I told you, he looks like a skeleton. He lost his skin and organs and things when..." Valkyrie paused, unsure whether Skulduggery would want the story told. "...in a fight." she finished lamely.

"Some fight!" exclaimed Crystal. "Does that happen often?"

"No, not at all. He's the only living skeleton in the world, as far as I know. Though I _have _fought a zombie or two."

The twins fell silent and stared at her some more. Valkyrie thought they were overreacting a bit. Come on, they hadn't seen anything_ really_ unusual yet. Personally, Valkyrie thought that the twins were getting a very easy introduction to magic-easier than her own had been, at any rate.

"...wait a minute," said Crystal. "You keep going on about different types of magic, right?"

"Disciplines, yeah."

"And you said you only sort of do elemental."

"That's true too."

"What type do you study when you're not doing elemental?"

Valkyrie blinked. That was a surprisingly good question. Then again, Crystal seemed to be the smarter of the pair. "Me?" she said. "I'm a necromancer."

The twins gazed at her uncomprehendingly. Valkyrie sighed. This was going to take an unpleasant amount of explanation...

.

"Why did you think _I_ would be a good choice?"

It was the day after Valkyrie met with the twins and learned Carol's taken name. Valkyrie was at Skulduggery's house for lack of much else to do. She'd decided to stop putting off on asking him to be Jarona's teacher.

"Because you're the best elemental I know," she said simply. She was sprawled out on one of Skulduggery's numerous couches. This particular living room had only one couch in it and no chairs, so Valkyrie had deprived Skulduggery of a seat.

Skulduggery, who paced back and forth on the opposite side of the room, waved a dismissive hand. "That doesn't mean I'd make a good_ teacher_. Why not Ghastly?"

"Ghastly's _busy,_" said Valkyrie. Skulduggery always seemed to ignore Ghastly's new status as Elder for some reason. "And besides, he turned himself into a statue for two years. I don't want to try explaining that to Fungus and Horriberyl." Valkyrie was inordinately proud of the nicknames she had come up with for her relatives. Sadly, they hadn't caught on, and for the life of her Valkyrie couldn't think of why.

"Aside from turning himself into a statue, which he did only when he was in dire need of it, Ghastly is a perfectly capable elemental."

"Doesn't change the fact that he's too busy. He's almost too busy to make you new suits. Can you imagine what would happen if I persuaded him to teach Jarona on top of everything?"

"Hm...suits _are_ very important."

"I prefer coats myself."

"You would. So, you can't ask Ghastly, and...hm. You don't really _know_ any other elementals, do you?"

"There's also that small problem. I mean, _you_ know others, but I don't want to hand Jarona off to someone I don't trust. She's none too bright, you know."

"So you've said. Many times." Skulduggery tilted his head in a resigned sort of way. "She's definitely related to you?"

"I'm afraid so."

"And you're not knowledgeable enough to teach her."

"I never said that..."

"Yes you did. Well, I suppose if someone doesn't teach her, she's bound to get into some sort of trouble-her more than her sister, from the sounds of it, though they're both sort of hazardous."

"Hazardous?" Valkyrie hadn't thought of it like that.

"Yes. People who _know_ they have magical talent, especially ones with taken names, and yet are_ not_ trained in any kind of magic can actually do involuntary magic when threatened."

"What does knowing about it have to do with anything?"

Skulduggery shrugged. "Honestly? I don't know. _Knowing_ about magic makes people a certain kind of dangerous, but no one's quite sure why. I'm guessing that Jarona's magical strength is somewhere near yours, given that you share a bloodline, so any involuntary magic she does will be a lot stronger than a more ordinary mage's."

"She knows _some_ stuff, and so does Crystal..."

"Neither of them know enough to control themselves, though, I'm guessing."

"So you _will_ teach Jarona. You're...obligated or something now."

"No I'm not."

"No?"

"I'm just teaching her so she doesn't blow up a city block."

"How charitable of you."

"It's truly a heroic act, given what I'll have to put up with. I just hope she doesn't steal all my silverware."

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "Skulduggery, you don't _have_ any silverware, and I don't think she's done that in...well, a few months, at least."

"And for that I am glad."

"All you have is books, and she doesn't like those. So, when do you want to meet her?"

...

I freaking love writing Val's dialogue with the twins. Actually, I just like writing about the twins in general, even all the horrible stuff Valkyrie says about them behind their backs. Valkyrie is truthfully not a nice person. Also, I know Valkyrie's nicknames are dumb. She just doesn't have any nicknaming skill, you know?

Making more stuff up...by the time this thing is finished, I will have created a whole bizarre set of magical laws that have no basis in the canon SP world.

Feedback is appreciated.


	3. Crystal's Fragile Nerves

Early Warning

The Toxic Twins have a gift for magery...God help us all.

**Warning! This is AU from the end of Mortal Coil on. **

I own nothing.

...

Jarona and Skulduggery had been staring at each other in silence for the past five minutes, and Valkyrie was beginning to worry.

.

It had been an early Saturday morning when Valkyrie had decided that it was high time Jarona actually _met_ her elemental teacher, so she called Fletcher, who, once he heard who was on the phone, teleported instantly to her bedroom. It was a really uncomfortable habit, but at the same time it was very convenient.

"What did you need me for?" he asked, cell phone still in hand.

"First things first-what did you do to your _hair_?" Valkyrie had noticed with some dismay that his hair lay absolutely flat and tidy on his head.

Fletcher blinked at her. "I haven't brushed it yet." he said, as if it were obvious.

"So it goes backwards in time now?" Fletcher opened his mouth to protest, but Valkyrie cut him off. "Ignoring your hair for the moment, could you take me to the twins'?"

"Don't they live two blocks or so away?"

"Yes, but I have important things to tell them."

"They have phones, you know. I'm not a bus!" declared Fletcher indignantly.

"No, but you _do_ have the same qualities." seeing Fletcher's frown, she added "Okay, this is my secret ploy to spend more time with you. Happy?"

Fletcher shrugged, attempting to seem nonchalant, but he gave it away by looking pleased. He hold out his arm, and Valkyrie took it. In an instant, they were in front of the twins' house.

"Okay, I don't think you'll want to see the twins. They have a weird obsession for you."

Fletcher winced. "Yeah...yeah. That's...weird. How long do you think you'll spend here?"

"Well, actually, I just need to take them to Skulduggery's." said Valkyrie, thinking. "Hm. Can you stand them for maybe half an hour? All I need to do is tell them we're going to Skulduggery's, take them there, and then you can leave."

"That sounds fine, as long as I can wait outside while you get them."

Valkyrie smirked at him and went inside. Fletcher waited outside for so long that he was beginning to think he should go get a book when Valkyrie and the twins finally emerged. Valkyrie looked faintly irritated, Crystal looked nervous, but Jarona looked excited so that was something. Fletcher steadfastly avoided eye contact with either Crystal or Jarona. In fact the only person he looked at directly was Valkyrie.

Fletcher, who was terrified of Skulduggery at the best of times (though he never admitted it), teleported the four of them to Skulduggery's doorstep so as to avoid actually going inside. He kissed Valkyrie goodbye and gratefully vanished.

Jarona and Crystal looked at each other, then looked at Valkyrie.

"Aren't we going in? Should we knock?" asked Jarona. "Is there a spell?"

"No, there's not a spell. I haven't knocked on his door since I first came here. Walking skeletons are just a bit of a shock to people who aren't used to them, is all." said Valkyrie. She felt she was being very considerate.

"If you don't open the door right now,_ I_ will." Valkyrie was surprised. It seemed that Jarona had some initiative in her after all. "I _hate_ waiting!" well, maybe_ that_ was it.

Valkyrie rolled her eyes and yanked open the door, beckoning Jarona and Crystal in after her. The twins looked around eagerly, and they seemed a bit befuddled as to why every room was some variation of living room, and a bit intimidated at all the books. Valkyrie didn't even bother calling for Skulduggery, just going straight to the room where he kept his favorite chair. Sure enough, there he was, reading a book.

Jarona let out a little squeak. Valkyrie ignored her.

"You know, it's considered_ polite_ to greet guests in your house." declared Valkyrie, tapping the cover of Skulduggery's book.

"Well, it's considered very_ impolite_ to interrupt people when they're reading." he replied, setting the book down and standing up.

"I suppose we're even then. Jarona, get over here before he starts reading again. It's like a tactical strike that way."

"Do you really take such pleasure in ambushing me in my own home?"

Crystal had pushed Jarona forward. Jarona sent a death glare at her sister before looking to Skulduggery, terror etched on her face.

They stared at each other. Nobody spoke.

.

Valkyrie checked her cell phone. Yes, five minutes had _definitely_ passed, and Skulduggery and Jarona were _still_ staring at each other.

Skulduggery's head was tilted in a way that made him look curious, though it had been like that for so long Valkyrie wondered if he'd done something to his neck. Jarona had lost her terrified look and now had an expression of intense concentration.

Finally, Valkyrie figured she had to break the silence.

"Are you two having a staring contest?"

"Would that be so hard to believe?" asked Skulduggery.

"Yes. That's stupid."

"You look so _weird_!" exclaimed Jarona, incredibly unapologetic.

"I'm going to take that as a compliment." said Skulduggery.

"It isn't one."

"I'm perfectly aware of that fact."

"So why-"

"Will you two just go practice magic or whatever you were going to do? You're getting on my nerves!" screeched Crystal suddenly. Everyone turned to look at her. "...um. Please?" she added.

Valkyrie found herself agreeing. "Yeah. That's at least less bizarre than you having a staring match."

"We weren't-" began Jarona, but Valkyrie cut her off.

"Look, Crystal and I are going to go...somewhere else. Have a talk about Crystal's fragile nerves or something. Crystal, come on." Valkyrie grabbed Crystal's arm and lead her to another section of the house, leaving Jarona and Skulduggery to their own devices.

...

Just trying some new things with this chapter, which is what all the flashbacks and weird tenses were about. Sorry for the wait-full-length stories are harder than oneshots.

I'm a little liberal with my interpretation of Fletcher here.

For all those who have read Death Bringer, don't worry, Fergus will show up soonish. Not in the next chapter, but maybe in the one after it. Next chapter will introduce Araxi (those of you who read my stories will know who I'm talking about).

Feedback is appreciated.


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